Today, I couldn't handle Ariel's taunting and harassment, so I snagged Tangled Fan's copy of Animal Farm and went to sit on her old English saddle: aka my favorite spot. It's by the window, so I can have just the right amount of light coming in.
While Animal Farm, I'm finding, isn't my absolute favorite book in the universe, I didn't want to go back to the shelving unit to get another book, so I just stayed there. I was on the verge of going to ask Tangled Fan about re-boxing me, and I knew that wasn't something I should necessarily do...though it seemed awfully tempting.
Well, to my surprise, I got to see Fitz for the first time since we moved shelves.
I don't think he could have had better timing.
Although, to be completely honest, I didn't even notice he was there until his head popped up over my book, scaring seven bells out of me.
"Oh!" I gasped. "How long have you been there? I'm sorry, I-I didn't notice you, I was really...uh...I was really into my book."
He chuckled. "I was just there for a wee couple of minutes. I was wonderin' how good of a book that was."
I found myself smiling. That Scottish accent of his, I loved it.
"Mmh...to be honest, it's not the best book I've ever read. Not the worst, but not the best, either."
He nodded. "I see. Well, I was hopin' to have a chat with you, if ye don't mind? I-if you're busy, though, er wantin' to continue readin' your book.."
I don't think he could have had better timing.
Although, to be completely honest, I didn't even notice he was there until his head popped up over my book, scaring seven bells out of me.
"Oh!" I gasped. "How long have you been there? I'm sorry, I-I didn't notice you, I was really...uh...I was really into my book."
He chuckled. "I was just there for a wee couple of minutes. I was wonderin' how good of a book that was."
I found myself smiling. That Scottish accent of his, I loved it.
"Mmh...to be honest, it's not the best book I've ever read. Not the worst, but not the best, either."
He nodded. "I see. Well, I was hopin' to have a chat with you, if ye don't mind? I-if you're busy, though, er wantin' to continue readin' your book.."
I set is aside and smiled, trying not to wince as I realized that I had just dropped the book without marking my place.
"I'm game. What were you wanting to talk to me about?"
"You. I just have this weird feeling, and..correct me if I'm wrong, but I've just got this odd feelin' that not everythin's okay in your world, y'know? I know you put up with more than what you should, what with Ariel an' all."
"I'm fine." I said shortly. He was right, but I didn't want to let on. He'd think I was just making something up.
"Buuut you do realize you're a terrible liar, yes? You've got the same look on your face right now as you did when you went 'on a walk' that day awhile back, an' I knew somethin' was up then, too."
I huffed. "Look, I appreciate your concern, but you don't have to worry about me. I can take care of myself."
"I know you can, but I jus' want to know what's botherin' you so that I can be there for you when you need someone to be."
My head shot up, and I looked at him. Was he serious? Was he really worried about me, and not just...just trying to be nosy?
"Really?"
He nodded, moving the book so he could actually sit closer to me.
"Yes, of course. Why would I do somethin' to hurt you?"
"I-I don't know. I've been around Ariel and Punzie too much lately."
"Then take the opportunity to talk to me. What's been going on?"
I turned my head away, suddenly beyond embarrassed to even mention it. Not many dolls wanted to be put back in their box. I tugged shyly at my hair.
"I sometimes get the urge to just go to Tangled Fan and ask her to put me back in my box. There, you have it." I huffed, trying to sound annoyed in order to cover up my terror. Would he hate me for it? Why would he hate me for it, really, though? But I've been hated for less...
His mouth dropped. "Why?"
"Because!" I exclaimed. "Because I'm so tired of being bullied and harassed constantly, and I-I can't get away from it, and it just stinks, okay? If I could be put back in my box, I'd forget everything and not...not exist anymore to anyone. I'd just be frozen in time, never to be spoken to again. I wouldn't be able to feel. I wouldn't be able to be harassed. Ariel wouldn't be there. I. Just. Want. To. Escape." I was on the verge of crying, now. I'd never explained this in depth to anyone. "The only reason I haven't yet is because I can't get to talk to Tangled Fan before someone catches me!"
He was silent for only a moment. When he spoke, his voice was uncharacteristically even, low, and quiet. "Zarine, why did you not tell anyone?"
"I told Belle! Sort of. But that's not exactly the thing you talk openly about, you know?"
He sighed. "And you don't think anyone'd miss you?"
"Why would they? All they do is..is...is treat me like the worthless piece of plastic that I am!" I threw back.
"Well, for one, Rapunzel and her family'd miss you. Belle would miss you, as well. I'd miss you. And I know that at least one of your blog readers is on your side - I think you mentioned her once."
I was taken aback by this. To hide it, I shook my head. "The bad outnumber the good, though."
"So you'd give up just because of that?" I didn't answer. "Captain America only had a handful of allies in The Winter Soldier, and the entirety of HYDRA wanted him dead. But he didn't give up, now, did he?"
"S-so you're going to start pulling out the movie references now?"
"If that's what sinks in for you," he nodded firmly.
"Well, I'm not Cap."
"You don't have to be Cap. You just have to tell yourself you can get through it."
I started to throw something negative back, but then I realized that he had me beat. I took a deep, shaky breath and stared at him. "You're right, but you don't know how hard it is..."
"That's why Rapunzel, Belle, and I are here for you. You don't have to go through it alone."
"I can't bother Rapunzel. She's way too busy, and I can't expose her kids t-to my issues."
"Then come talk t' me. We'll leave the table. Or you can talk t' Belle."
I shook my head, burying my face into my lap when I felt my eyes start to burn. "It's just a waste of time--"
"No it isn't." he paused. "Hey." He put his hand on my shoulder, which surprised me. I made the mistake of looking up, and he saw my tear-laced face.
Without another word, he pulled me into a tight hug, which just made me fall apart. I started sobbing violently. I hated myself for falling apart in front of him. He shouldn't have to deal with my issues, either; but then again, he'd asked what was wrong. Fitz had most likely learned his lesson: don't ever ask the crazy chick what's wrong.
When I finally pulled out of his embrace, still sniffling, I rubbed at my eyes before I looked at him. "Sorry. Y-your vest.."
"Will dry. You obviously needed someone t' talk to, so don't apologize."
I swallowed. "Th-thank you."
"Anytime," he nodded. I expected him to stand up and leave at that point, but he stuck around. We didn't talk anymore, but his presence was somehow enough. I don't understand it, but it's true.
